Retail

You know, the really scary thing is….she makes the most sense. And that is saying something.

Yes, it is indeed time for me to once more regail you with stories of my misadventures in retail.

Today, I went in early cause if was freakishly busy. Why is it so busy on a Sunday? No one knows. But it was. So early in did I go. I was maybe on the sales floor for like 10 minutes and I got called up to the front end to run a till. I hate running a till. I used to be a cashier. I moved to the sales floor cause I did not like it. But they always page me first (and often by name) because they know I am till trained. Why can’t I just be hit on the head by a BBQ or lawnmower (wait…that has happened) and forget how to use a till.

Well, that was about an hour of annoyance.

Then, I went back to the sales floor. I got a call from a manager ordering me back to receiving (not asking…he gave an order…what does he think  this is,the military?) to unload the truck because only one person showed up to unload. Great. I did that for a while, getting more and more annoyed with this manager because whatever we did, it was not good enough.

I got paged to the salesfloor to sell something. Hallelujah! I did that, and was feeling kinda wobbly so decided it was supper time. But not before I got a call from the same manager. Except now he was yelling at me to get back to receiving. I’d had enough. I clocked out and almost walked out the front doors. But I didn’t. I had supper. In the middle of it, same guy yells over the intercom for me to get back to receiving. I ignored him because….I was on lunch and he was being a total jerk.

After lunch, he had went home. That made me happy. I went back to the sales floor, and mixed some paint, put a lawnmower on layaway, and otherwise tried to find stuff to do because it has suddenly died down.

Oh ya, this was the fourth shift in a row that they have made me go to receiving, meaning nothing gets done in my areas on the sales floor, because I am stuck doing someone else’s job.

I need to find a better job. And fast.

Click on the image to see the whole comic (it is too big to do any other way)

So…imagine this if you can.  I am…well…I am putting stupid summer toys up on a counter that was just created from nothingness so back to school stuff could be set up. Yes Back to school. Stupid retail….anyways.

The phone rings.  This can never be good. Either it is another department looking for something, some random customer, or a manager. Either way, it usually doesn’t work out very well. But I answer it. I like a challenge.

It is a customer. Joy.

Anyways, this guy starts telling me about how he had called earlier and had asked about a shed that we kept in the green area. I didn’t know we had a green area…then I realized he meant the greenhouse. And he said he had then been talking to a manager because regular sales associates (like me) can’t special order stuff. Managers do that.

So this is getting kinda interesting. I try to tell him I am not the person he had talked to before and not a manager. Doesn’t seem to work. Weird. I say I can page a manager for him. He says “You are a manager”. Again, I say I am not.

This goes on for quite a while.

Eventually, he just gets angry that I am not a manager and just hangs up on me.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the weird stuff that I get to deal with at work. Why me?

Earlier tonight, I made ice cubes. I think one of the trays fell partially into the other one. When I picked it up, it started to crap ice cubes. How weird is that?

This seems like something that could happen to me at some point. And I don’t know the corporate values/mission statement either. I actually don’t think anyone does….

Sure am!

I fell off a shelf.

I was trying to put a bike back up on the shelf. I decided that I didn’t need a ladder. Overrated. So I am on the middle of a 3 level shelf and grab a bar up top so I don’t fall over. As I do this, I am also holding onto a bike. Suddenly, I hear the shelf come undone and poof…I am flying backwards into another shelf. Somehow I landed on my feet and all I got was a little scrape.  Oh ya, as this was happening, my manager and some other staff were laughing.

And now for something completely different:

YAHOO NEWS, NOVEMBER 14TH, 2007

Yahoo! endeavors to publish only facts for our users and regret that we published AP’s non-factual story on Paris Hilton on November 13.

Here is the explanation from AP regarding the erroneous article:

GAUHATI, India - In a Nov. 13 story, The Associated Press incorrectly reported that Paris Hilton was praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India. Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, said she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India.

Yes…drunken elephants in India….:S

You know the type of day….no matter how much you do, you feel like you have not accomplished anything at work. And to top it all off, you can’t get out of the place on time.

I had one of those days today.

It started out pretty normally. I woke up. That’s where the normalcy ends. As soon as I got to work, we started to build a book display. Well, first off, we took the old one out and put it aside. Okay…so far, doesn’t seem too odd. However, this is where it happened - we opened the box for the new fixture and it was the exact same thing except blue. Great. For a while, we started building the new one, but eventually gave up and just put the old one back in. Then we looked at the mod sheets. The fixture had space for 5 things across; the mod called for 6 across. Wonderful.

That made my morning. I went for lunch.

When I came back, I got to catch a fish. The people were crazy. They needed different bags for all the fish and tried to convince me there was no difference between cold water fish and warm water fish. Whatever. Kill you fish and see if I care. Joy of joys.

Suddenly I was putting a new patio table out (after sweeping the floor) and making price flags for it. That took a good five minutes. Then I got to move flower bulbs from one display to another. I’m not sure what the purpose of that was, but I did it.

I went for coffee.

I came back and tried to hide for a while. I needed a break from the insanity. Unfortunately, you can’t hide in retail. They can always find you somehow. So I went onto a till for a few minutes - at least then I can’t be pulled away to poke a Tater of the Lost Ark for someone (yes they do exist):

There is also a whip that plays the Indiana Jones theme. I played with that for a while:

It was almost time to go home. Hallelujah!

Just as I was about to clock out, I hear the dreaded page “Tyler call 316. Tyler call 316″. Oh great. I was not happy, but I called nonetheless.

I somehow managed to get puled back onto the sales floor (after I was supposed to be off the clock and going home) so I could help a customer load a hammock swing into their car (which was actually funnier than it sounds….). I did that and almost ran to the back. I clocked out, grabbed my empty lunch kit and got out of that place as quickly as I could.

I do this all again tomorrow. Yipee?

Why must you always treat me as if I was just a rag?
What is it that you think gives you this right?
Why do you think that you can expect so much from others
And not have them expect the same from you?

Why do you feel the need to bring people down?
Never saying what they may have done well?
Why is it that you must always tell us our faults?
Do you actually believe that you are perfect?

Why is it that whenever we try to tell you something you do not listen?
Is it because you do not want to hear the truth?
Do you believe that you are always right?
What is it that goes through your mind at times like those?

If you would open up and tell us something
Perhaps we would understand you better
But no, not you
You can not let yourself be shown
You have made your mind up that that would be disastrous
And if by chance you do express a feeling
It is always against another
If we try and let you know what we think about it
You do not listen, your mind is already set on your decision
Should you not consider the facts before a decision is reached?

Why do you feel the need to compare some to others?
Not all are alike, we are all created to be different
If you were to be compared to someone else, would you enjoy it?
I think that you would not, and that you would make all attempts to stop such activity
And yet you feel that you have the right to do the same to us?
Your hypocrisy is something that you claim to not engage in
And yet all can see it clearly in the way you act

If you truly want to express a sentiment or want to say something
Perhaps saying so without accusatory remarks or vulgar languages
Would elicit a better response…or a response at all